At this point in life, I understand that the New Age road was necessary for me to ‘grow into myself’, to remember some of who I am and to integrate the skills I inherently always had but didn’t know it.
From around 1998 – 1999 my life started to change. I started to experience different things psychically and physically. I started to have glimpses and experiences of a different past and different future, jigsaw pieces that whilst unforgettable, didn’t really bring any explanation of their meaning.
I saw myself as part of a circle around this planet, of being one of many tall light beings, all holding hands around the planet, encircling it. Visions like these were more frequent, along with glimpses into a past I hadn’t seen before. I came face to face with some of the reality of myself and who I had been in other lives, good and bad, rather than only seeing the good as I had done before.
Later, life started to change in major ways. It would be better described as falling apart, and nothing I did could put it back together. I spent a lot of time and energy trying. Eventually, completely frustrated, I gave up trying. Finally, I threw it all up in the air and allowed it to land where it would. Bit by bit, life completely changed. Different home, loss of family members, new sort of work, new priorities. When we come to that Humpty Dumpty point in life where all the Kings horses and all the Kings men, can not put Humpty together again…it’s time to stop trying and go with the options that actually are in front of us, rather than trying to bring back things that have moved out of our lives. Sometimes the human part of us needs to accept that we do not dictate the terms of our lives.
For me this was traumatic because admitting I was Humpty Dumpty at that point, meant admitting that all the new age skills I had used and loved, no longer worked. To me it meant I was not who I had thought I was and what I believed was not true. It was a heartbreaking time where my self belief, faith and confidence was shattered. The old me did shatter and fall away, and, with time, I learned to stop and allow as the real me was gradually revealed. It is important to understand that it is not so much change as it is self-discovery. Dis-covering the truth of who we are, rather than the physical role we have been playing.
Now as I look back, it was certainly a time of letting go of what was no longer appropriate for me, no need to doubt everything I knew until then. When it is truly time for change, change will come. Once a decision has been made at soul level, things change and the human part can kick and scream all we like, the soul takes over.
When it is time to awaken from the dream that is physical life, awaken we shall. Most of us imagine awakening as an ever-increasing feeling of love and joy and seeing life with new eyes, whilst our lives go on as they were, but probably better. In truth, awakening is the shattering of the life we have known – death of loved ones, relationships ending, loss of assets, losing our job or finding we just can’t keep doing it as it doesn’t align with our core values. As traumatic as all this is, losing all those things we identify with, eventually helps us to see that what remains is what is real.
That is awakening. It is often now aptly called a ‘Rude Awakening’.
Having been through this myself, I am well able to support others who are going into this process. If your life is crumbling and you are unable to stop it, you are in deep change, possibly awakening.
If you are uncertain where you are at, or what is happening for you, a strong indicator of deep awakening is how much you are enjoying life at this point. With awakening comes disillusionment, loss of passion….a sense that the magic of life is gone for you. Who and what we were falls away and we don’t care about this life any more. Generally it is not a suicidal feeling, it is just not caring, not being excited about anything. This is unpleasant but it does pass, albeit slowly. If, at a deep and ongoing level, you are no longer enjoying life, then most likely you are in the awakening process.
Either way, I can help you come to terms with what is happening and chart your way through what can be very difficult times.