A lot about me is scattered through various pages and blog posts but here goes.
I’ve spent many years on the “New Age” path, soaking up information and learning like a sponge. I loved this road, and believed I was awakening.
However, for me the road took a turn around 1998 – 1999. I started to experience different things as life started to take me on a new journey, into true awakening….which is nothing like what most of us expect.
I had no idea I had a psychic ability until I was in my early twenties when I had my first ever reading done for me. It blew my mind and sent me on an entirely different course. It didn’t tell me I was psychic, it told me very basic stuff actually. Thinking about it now, if I gave that information in a reading, I might think it wasn’t a very good reading but there you have it…we just never know what effect a reading will have on the person receiving it.
For me it proved…wow…so many things I guess, but mainly that God and Spirit were real. I had not really believed that until then. To me, thinking back on this now…it proves the point about doors that remain closed unless we take the path towards them.
That first reading opened me up in a way I had no idea it could have or would have. Suddenly my vibration level shot up and I was able to do readings myself. Just like that? you say…yes, just like that! I couldn’t believe it either LOL.
I’m not saying those early readings were spectacular…it takes time to be able to do this and not in the way people think. Its not like we see flashing neon billboards all the time. Sometimes it can be a very faint impression or thought… just like your own thoughts that run through your mind.
It can be very difficult to learn to differentiate between what is coming in psychically and what is just our own thoughts…and it takes even longer to trust it.
But, that was more than 30 years ago…and this is now.
There is a blog post about different sorts of readings if you’re interested to know more.
I’ve had some very memorable experiences doing readings over the years.
I remember doing one reading for a lady who was adopted and she wanted to know why. I immediately saw a car accident with both parents dying and a baby surviving. As I saw this, the mother looked at me and shook her hands in my direction, like she was throwing something on me. Instantly I started wailing, no build up to it. She had thrown her emotions at me. She wanted her daughter to know how sad she had been to have to leave her. That was a powerful session. I have never cried that hard instantly, before or since.
I did a reading for a lady whose child had a paralysis type mental illness and couldn’t speak, among other things. I connected with the child’s energy and there was so much sadness. Such a strong feeling of being completely trapped in a useless body. That was also really heavy duty and had me in tears.
I also did a reading for a lady whilst I was travelling….I saw American Indians and horses and extended family and I kept seeing her in this picture as if it was coming to her. It was so vivid. I didn’t know why I was seeing it that way, we weren’t in the old west.
I explained what I saw, said she was in this picture and it felt to me as if she was going to be part of it, and left it at that. She was just as clueless as I was at the time. Months later she tracked me down and said she had connected with family she didn’t know she had and they had horses and a large property. She said everything I had told her, except for them being American Indians was accurate. I guess in a past life they had all been American Indians. That was so good of her to find me, it can’t have been easy.
I’ve done many readings over the years that were not so memorable, many that seemed simple or basic to me, however I’ve also seen many people transform themselves after a reading.
Near the beginning of my trip down the New Age path, a Medium said to me “You are truly blessed”. She was right. Despite its many ups and downs, I’ve had a life rich in feeling and emotion. Being able to also be a part of other people’s growth has truly been a blessing and an honour.
For many years I used various tarot card decks and did what is called a psychic tarot reading.
One of the things I used to love back when I did tarot spreads, as the cards were laid down, I would talk to my client and explain what lay ahead for them and their options. People often just don’t understand what is happening in their lives, what their soul wants them to learn from their experiences, or why they seem stuck in a cycle. It can be difficult to fathom, especially when they are right in the middle of one.
As I would explain things to them, their consciousness would shift as they assimilated the information, and made a decision, often to go in a new direction. Sometimes after this, I would have them shuffle the cards again and when the cards were laid out, the card that was in their short term future, would often appear in this layout too, but now in the recent past position. They had gained the understanding they were seeking and moved past the event.
Fortunately, I’ve lived through enough different experiences to have a good grasp on things generally. I’ve wondered at times, why I’ve been through as many things as I have. Its been pretty full on LOL. Now I feel…you know, there isn’t so much that I can’t relate to. Most of the things people need help with, I’ve been through or observed. What seemed like a curse at times is actually yet another blessing that I’m now grateful for.
At this point, I personally do not use tarot cards for doing readings. I use your date of birth and a pic of you to focus on your energy.
I am clairaudient (hearing things), clairvoyant (seeing things), clairsentient (feeling things), I’ve done many many readings over many years. I’m a Usui Reiki Master. I’ve run meditation groups, personal growth groups, done healing sessions and spiritual counselling, taken people through past lives, taught tarot card reading.
I even walked on hot coals….twice!
Hot coals were interesting. I was told to not to look down at the coals, to find a focal point that was high and keep looking at that so I could walk in a straight line. Well…anyone that knows me will tell you I have, and have always had, the concentration of a goldfish. I forgot LOL. The minute I looked down, I felt the heat and my feet started burning. Guess what happened after that? I remembered to look up!!!! As soon as I looked up, my feet stopped burning. Wow.
Afterwards, on reflection, I was really happy with my burnt feet. Had I not had that experience, I would have doubted that the coals were hot. They were hot…and I had the burns to prove it!
At this point in life, I understand that the New Age road was necessary for me to ‘grow into myself’, to remember some of who I am and to integrate the skills I inherently always had but didn’t know it.
From around 1998 – 1999 my life started to change. I started to experience different things psychically and physically. I started to have glimpses and experiences of a different past and different future, jigsaw pieces that whilst unforgettable, didn’t really bring any explanation of their meaning.
I saw myself as part of a circle around this planet, of being one of many tall light beings, all holding hands around the planet, encircling it. Visions like these were more frequent, along with glimpses into a past I hadn’t seen before. I came face to face with some of the reality of myself and who I had been in other lives, good and bad, rather than only seeing the good as I had done before.
Later, life started to change in major ways. It would be better described as falling apart, and nothing I did could put it back together. I spent a lot of time and energy trying. Eventually, completely frustrated, I gave up trying. Finally, I threw it all up in the air and allowed it to land where it would. Bit by bit, life completely changed. Different home, loss of family members, new sort of work, new priorities. When we come to that Humpty Dumpty point in life where all the Kings horses and all the Kings men, can not put Humpty together again…it’s time to stop trying and go with the options that actually are in front of us, rather than trying to bring back things that have moved out of our lives. Sometimes the human part of us needs to accept that we do not dictate the terms of our lives.
For me this was traumatic because admitting I was Humpty Dumpty at that point, meant admitting that all the new age skills I had used and loved, no longer worked. To me it meant I was not who I had thought I was and what I believed was not true. It was a heartbreaking time where my self belief, faith and confidence was shattered. The old me did shatter and fall away, and, with time, I learned to stop and allow as the real me was gradually revealed. It is important to understand that it is not so much change as it is self-discovery. Dis-covering the truth of who we are, rather than the physical role we have been playing.
Now as I look back, it was certainly a time of letting go of what was no longer appropriate for me, no need to doubt everything I knew until then. When it is truly time for change, change will come. Once a decision has been made at soul level, things change and the human part can kick and scream all we like, the soul takes over.
When it is time to awaken from the dream that is physical life, awaken we shall. Most of us imagine awakening as an ever-increasing feeling of love and joy and seeing life with new eyes, whilst our lives go on as they were, but probably better. In truth, awakening is the shattering of the life we have known – death of loved ones, relationships ending, loss of assets, losing our job or finding we just can’t keep doing it as it doesn’t align with our core values. As traumatic as all this is, losing all those things we identify with, eventually helps us to see that what remains is what is real.
That is awakening. It is often now aptly called a ‘Rude Awakening’.
Having been through this myself, I am well able to support others who are going into this process. If your life is crumbling and you are unable to stop it, you are in deep change, possibly awakening.
If you are uncertain where you are at, or what is happening for you, a strong indicator of deep awakening is how much you are enjoying life at this point. With awakening comes disillusionment, loss of passion….a sense that the magic of life is gone for you. Who and what we were falls away and we don’t care about this life any more. Generally it is not a suicidal feeling, it is just not caring, not being excited about anything. This is unpleasant but it does pass, albeit slowly. If, at a deep and ongoing level, you are no longer enjoying life, then most likely you are in the awakening process.
Either way, I can help you come to terms with what is happening and chart your way through what can be very difficult times.